Unconditional Love of San Pedro (Peter)
Magical Heart Opening Healing of San Pedro and Peter
Although I’ve experienced great success with my Stress Gone! book and work, something more important was missing. Recently (2017) I was blessed to have experienced what LOVE actually is. A rare, unconditional love so precious it moved me to my core, had me in tears of joy, and significantly changed my life. No, I don’t have a new partner, I’m not dating – this was far more valuable. I hear you asking, “who, what, when and how did I experience this?”
Oddly it was a fleeting encounter of little more than a week. You’ll be surprised to know we had no physical contact, bar occasional ‘hello’ or ‘goodbye’ hugs – exactly the same way I’d treat anyone. Respectfully, he’s also 20+ years my junior. All of this significantly contributed towards my unusual life changing experience.
We’re both strangers. Foreigners travelling a foreign land, searching for life’s meaning and purpose. We met at a retreat in Peru where a sacred cactus ‘master teacher plant’ known as San Pedro is partaken of for spiritual, emotional and physical healing. For the uninitiated, San Pedro’s been used in sacred healing ceremonies for millennia, and is renowned for its heart opening medicinal abilities where spontaneous healing and miracles frequently occur.
A few months ago, and completely out the blue, I received a very clear message – ‘Go to Peru.’ This was enormously overwhelming yet paradoxically peaceful. For once in my life I obediently obeyed. Actually, I felt compelled by the absolute peace I felt within this madness – Peru of all places?! Yet, the mystical Andean shamanic traditions and sacred medicinal plants felt deeply alluring. To afford this, I sold my car and packed all my possessions into storage. Within days, I was on an aeroplane bound for South America with no fixed plans for the next six months – I was open to trusting and exploring what the Universe had in store – in fact, I felt desperate to change and heal aspects of my life.
Upon arriving in Peru, and seeking change, I was privileged to deepen my understanding of Andean customs during ceremonies. Recognising my blockages, two specific traditions immediately drew my attention; the Anyi hands of ‘giving and receiving’ and the Ekeko, God of Wealth – both spoke directly to me. Although I acknowledged I had work ahead to resolve, heal and remove my obstacles, I simply didn’t know how.
San Pedro is Spanish, and aptly named after Saint Peter who is recorded in the bible for showing people the stairways to heaven. Over thousands of years San Pedro has shown many the stairways to heaven either in visions or physically too. Synchronistically my encounter was with a young man, Peter, whilst he was partaking of ceremonial San Pedro. I happened to be one of the facilitators.
How could such a brief encounter immeasurably impact my life so significantly?
During Peter’s San Pedro journeys he frequently called me to ask questions. His youthful flashy smile, easy going fun and cheeky wit was endearing but beneath this veneer lay a touching vulnerability. Respecting San Pedro is the master teacher I didn’t feel appropriate to ask questions. Instead I simply observed, relying upon my intuitive therapy skills, and without encroaching supported Peter along with the others. Much later I discovered both our Mothers died of cancer – as a natural empath this connection also touched me.
Outside the ceremonial space, and totally by coincidence, I happened to be taking another tourist shopping to a nearby market town. Peter overheard our conversation, and asked (rather insisted) upon joining our afternoon excursion. This is where the seeds of his unconditional love were sown. During the afternoon’s banter, I thought he was unashamedly flirting. I jokingly reprimanded and disregarded his youthful cheap flattery. Truth is I was embarrassed by his bold compliments, overly loving kindness and good-natured teasing. I subsequently felt ashamed for thinking he was flirting – after all, I’m old enough to be his mother!
The following day at the request of this same tourist, we hiked local mountains visiting sacred Incan sites. Peter’s jovial compliments continued unabated, and again I found myself rejecting him, even laughing in his face. He was learning to play a Peruvian flute he’d acquired from a street vendor, and frequently throughout the day played his made-up tunes “for Bridget” (me). Wow, he knew how to touch and pull at one’s heart strings. Frankly he had such gall, but a small part of me actually started appreciating his affectionate gestures. Although I felt awkward and off balance, I could feel cracks in my heart opening after decades of being closed to the world. As much as I felt insecure and vulnerable, I secretly felt joy. Yet I felt confused too, what was happening to me?
Over the week, and always accompanied by others, we shared San Pedro ceremonies (he partaking while I facilitated), walked the surrounding mountains, visited sacred sites, rode horses, attempted to play musical instruments, snuck into a sacred site at night and got caught (a hilarious encounter with Peruvian security), talked non-stop while simply enjoying one another’s company amid the fickle high altitude Andean climate.
With each encounter Peter’s compliments, teasing and laughter ensued thanks to his witty humour. He also had a habit of brazenly farting! With his audacious spirit, flirtatious good looks and flashy smile I now teased as much as he did. He’d very quickly figured me out, and bought thoughtful gifts, some in appreciation and support of my eccentric belief of finding illusive mountain leprechauns (yes, I believe in the unseen magic of gnomes, fairies, unicorns etc). Peter constantly gave, and I felt really awkward accepting his kindness. He continually questioned, appreciating my outlook on life and shared wisdom. He’d observed, appreciated my work, and the way in which I helped people during ceremonies. Above all, and although he teased, he showed me tremendous respect, something I deeply appreciated. Peter was a true gentleman with an innately magical heart-opening ability of continuously giving.
After days of quirky innuendos I started to appreciate his constant giving, genuine kindness and sincere thoughtfulness: he wasn’t actually flirting but simply being his naturally kind, loving and of course, ‘flirtatious’ self. I chastised myself for being stupidly naive to think all men, no matter how old, flirt purely for sexual favours – yes, admittedly another issue to overcome.
Once I’d acknowledged my awkwardness and understood its source, the discomfort of allowing him to be himself, to say and do the things he said and did, I could feel myself softening. I started allowing and receiving his kindness and compliments in the purest way I’m sure he intended. It wasn’t him, but me who felt uneasy at hearing and receiving kindness, compliments and thoughtfulness. This was my failing, a serious flaw with the consequences running deeply throughout my life because for a very long time I’ve felt disconnected from Life, especially from Source – I simply couldn’t receive anything! Peter was purely a mirror reflecting how I’d sadly closed myself off from SO much of Life’s beauty – most especially from the precious abundant gifts others bring into our lives, aka the teachings of Ekeko and Anyi hands. Goodness, what a lightning bolt realisation!
Throughout my life I’ve felt uncomfortable receiving, as if it was the “wrong” thing to do, and I’d somehow be punished. Guilt, shame and fear all seemed wrapped up in there too. Instead, I’ve always been a natural empath and giver… but I couldn’t receive – I only felt safe to give. Ironically, I’d willingly give people almost anything – compliments, hugs, food, money and free therapy sessions. I just didn’t know how to receive because it made me feel tremendously uneasy. For me, receiving has some strangely weird uncomfortable connotations, even obligations attached, hence my rejection to receive anything positive. Ironically too, I’ve been more comfortable to receive negativity, would then hold onto that believing it to be true, and would even define myself accordingly. However through Peter’s actions, I was acutely aware something subtle had begun to shift. I felt lighter, and actually started liking myself in this process.
During my Peruvian trip others complimented me but I brushed them off, part of me refused to accept this. I discounted and disrespected them based upon my prejudices towards myself. After several failed painful relationships, I’d become naturally cynical, shutting myself off so completely that I haven’t allowed myself to even think of, let alone enter into another relationship in 10 years. This ‘Peter’ experience clearly showed me that we don’t see the world for what it is, but as we are – through a multitude of misguided veils and prejudicial perceptions – none of which are beneficial. Most significantly, I’d inadvertently closed myself off from receiving Life’s innate abundance: the apt teachings of Ekeko (pictured above) and Anyi hands.
Peter, an angel in disguise, showed me a mirror that clearly but gently reflected my deep flaws. Additionally over a few days, he quickly chipped away at decades of barriers I’d inadvertently built around myself in order to protect my insecurities and vulnerabilities. After Peter departed I realised how quickly those barriers dissolved, and felt liberated from the shackles of long held flawed beliefs. Although understanding the wisdom of the Ekeko and Anyi hands, perhaps I felt safe with a man 20+ years my junior? Perhaps I felt safe because he didn’t ask for or want anything in return? Perhaps I felt safe because he was simply being himself? A sweet, kind, charming and naturally giving person!
Surprisingly I started appreciating his appreciation of who I am, and of my gifts I bring to this world through my Stress Gone! therapy work (similar to what he witnessed in ceremony as I facilitated). The small things he said and did opened my heart to accepting and receiving his compliments. I could see and feel his sincere gratitude, immense respect, how he appreciated my beliefs, insights and wisdom. Never before has anyone touched me so profoundly, and quickly too. Peter made me feel more like a woman than any other man has done. Although this wasn’t sexual, we definitely shared a deep connection. His innate kindness helped me believe in myself. Appreciate myself. Love and accept myself … finally!
In my humble opinion, all of this is unconditional love. There have been many people in the past whose love and affection has made me feel uncomfortable, and I rejected them outright. Was this a case of right place, right time – more importantly, time for me to embrace myself? Maybe the real magic lies in the deep healing of sacred San Pedro, the master teacher plant, and the Ekeko and Anyi hands? Maybe Peter was simply the catalyst needed for this change to occur? Perhaps it was time for me to drop this insidious BS, and simply give myself permission to accept and to receive – not only for my sake, but importantly for the sake of the gift of the giver. After all, denying a gift is denying the giver the pleasure of giving their gifts whilst living in abundant flow. Perhaps it was simply a combination of all these factors? Whatever the reasons I’ve finally discovered and experienced the magical splendour of receiving someone’s innate gifts as a demonstration of their unconditional love.
Two weeks prior to meeting Peter, I’d already decided to do a solo San Pedro journey on the Sunday, two days after his departure. This decision had nothing to do with him. However, during my journey San Pedro revealed the extent of unconditional love Peter had bestowed upon me, and I wept buckets of tears of pure joy to finally be able to give myself permission to accept and receive such gifts. I felt the enormity of Peter’s gift of pure love, light and healing he’d inadvertently brought into my life by being himself. A rare gift I’ll always treasure – a brief encounter with a perfect stranger in a foreign land who helped me heal many deeply buried wounds.
Never again will I underestimate the power of how a single person can make one feel, and the profound blessings that offers. This divine encounter has shown me that abundant love continually surrounds us, if only we would open and allow ourselves to receive.
With enormous love, gratitude and thanks to the simple pure magic of precious Peter, sacred San Pedro, the Ekeko and Anyi hands: my life has significantly changed in immeasurable ways!
Dedicated to my dear friend, Peter – may you find the love and magic you richly deserve.
*2017 ~ Published with Peter’s permission
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